Celebrating our Mother’s 90 birthday Saturday got me to thinking how lucky we were to have such a wonderful person as our Mother. She showed us strength, discipline, rights, wrongs, but most of all Love. No, she was not perfect, none of us are. She showed us she wasn’t with her saying “do as I say, not as I do”, though do she did. Yes, she was ‘fun-loving’ and always ready to enjoy what the world offered, but she was also the rock we all needed when those times came.
There are so many different kids of mothers out there that you wonder about their decisions and attitudes.
There is the ‘good mother’, which we felt we had. Her kids are her top priority. Their health, education, morals, and safety are of the utmost importance. Many ‘good mothers’ have been called bad for giving up their children. Either through adoption or in a divorce. That is not really fair most of the time. They know they are not able to be there for them and make the best arrangements for the kids they love. Yes, the do love them, as it’s hard to let them go.
Then the ‘bad mother’ as some would call it. Those sad souls who think the only answer is to dispose of their children, or hurt them in some way. I’m not sure you would call them ‘bad’ or desperate, or lacking any emotion at all for anyone but themselves. It is really sad to see those kind, for they have lost a most precious joy. The joy of feeling little arms hug you tight and sloppy kisses on your face.
The ‘indifferent mother’ doesn’t seem to care on way or another. She let’s the kids do as they please, come and go, eat whatever, ‘just don’t bother me too much’. Some would call them bad also, but they are still there if really needed. They are one who have let go completely in this category also. Just walk away and not look back. In these cases it is probably the best thing they did for the child.
The ‘over-protective mother’ hovers like a cloak to keep all aspects of the child’s life under their control. Some do it for fear harm will come and some who feel the child can’t make any decisions on their own that will be the right ones. They don’t seem to understand that this is how a person grows. Making a mistake is a lesson all it’s own and we all must go through it.
Then of course, the ‘over-indulgent’ mother. The one whose kid has to have the very best of everything, and everything they want. They can’t or won’t say no. We all know how the majority of these kids turn out. Spoiled, bratty, selfish and immature are just a few words I’ve heard to describe them.
The ‘enabling mother’ is one who is doing one of the greatest disservices to her child. Helping with everything that comes along, denying any wrong doing the child does. Covering for them when someone points out their misdeeds, blaming it on someone else, never believing that their child would do anything wrong. So many of these kids become the biggest drain on society because of an entitlement attitude caused by enabling. The 'over-protective, over-indulgent and enabling mother can many times be rolled into one.
The ‘single mother’ who tried to be everything to her child. Mother, father, teacher etc. Some are single by choice, some by death, and many by divorce. They have to go on alone is many cases as the father has moved on or sadly passed on. Children often blame the mother is these cases, which is not really fair. After all they hung in there and gave it their best shot at trying to keep them all together. Where mistakes made? Yes, mothers are human and decisions don’t always turn out the way they expect. But their love for their children is what makes them go on.
Do we fit into any of these categories? I would like to think we all fit the ‘good mother’ one. We may have at times done a bit or two from a couple of the others, but all in all I think we all do a pretty darn good job. Yes, there are fathers who fit these categories too. But it was Mom’s birthday that got me to looking at it this way. I feel my sisters and I are very much like our Mother and couldn’t be more proud. I’ve heard it said ‘the qualities we like or dislike in a person are the qualities we have in ourselves and refuse to believe’. If so, I couldn’t be happier than to have the qualities of my mother.
Are you like your mother?
Honor and love your mother today, for tomorrow she may no longer be here.