Sadness and guilt

Sadness at the loss of a cousin and friend.  Guilt at not keeping in touch with her like I should have.  Judy was 3rd or 4th or whatever (not sure just how removed)  cousin on my mothers side.  As  kids we used to spend a lot of our summers together.  More oftened than not, Judy would come to our house.  She loved the way our family lived.  I don't think her home life was as happy as it could have been.  Today I think at times it would have been considered abusive on some scale.  Nothing physical, but I think emotionally.  I remember one of the times I stayed there was a little traumatic for me.  It was supper time and her father had a rule that you ate everything that had been put on the table, whether you like it or not.  I, of course, was exempt as a guest, but the family was not.  I don't remember what was served but I do remember Judy did not like it.  Her father made her eat and she promptly threw it all up.  He made her go back to the table and eat it until she could keep it down.  I always got the impression also that her older sister was favored.  Her father passed first and on her mother's passing Judy was given the house in the will.  I understand her sister threw such a fuss, she sold it and split the money, though the sister seem to get everything else.  I remember visiting after the funeral and she was going around showing off their mothers wedding rings that she had inherited.  Judy ended up living in a low-income community property housing place.  Just three little rooms.

Judy had a difficult marriage which ended in divorce leaving her with two children, a boy and a girl.  The boy died some time ago in an automobile accident.  Judy never quite recovered from that.  She had a beautiful voice and loved to sing.  She even sang the songs for her own mothers funeral. 

Diabetes was (and is) a part of the family.  Her mother had it and I remember her giving herself shots when I was there.  Judy developed it herself and had a very difficult time with it.  It was extremely difficult keeping in under control for her and affected her feet to the point she ended up in a wheel chair.  As she was not able to work was the reason she had such living arrangements.  When my mother passed I took a great many of her clothes to Judy.  I knew she didn't have much money and I never saw anyone so grateful.  It seemed to me that it must be difficult to maneuver in that little place, but she didn't complain and said God was taking care of her.  Judy's faith was very important to her. 

The sad thing is we drove by her place just Fri. and I looked over and thought "I should call her this weekend".  Then Sat. I saw in the paper where she passed.  Sherry too, thought about her.  I know we all get caught up in our own lives, but I still feel bad about not keeping in better touch with her. 

Goodbye Judy.  Your in the loving hands of God and with your precious son.  I know you are now happy. 
Love, Terry